Reborn as a DRAGON

My name is Tim, or it was until I died. There was no light at the end of the tunnel, no white room... Read more My name is Tim, or it was until I died. There was no light at the end of the tunnel, no white room to choose any cheats from, nor was there any meeting with God.I didn’t die heroically while saving someone, and I certainly didn’t get hit by a truck. My death was rather stupid and anticlimactic, I had apparently bumped my head while sleeping and passed away…That should have been the end of the road for me, but like many self-proclaimed main characters, I joined the army of multi-dimensional travelers and was reincarnated.Being an avid light novel and manga reader, I would have been excited about the opportunity, if not for my new siblings, who tried to kill me as soon as I was born, or for my mother, who seemed to have a thing for throwing me off cliffs. And let’s not forget my murderous father, who forced me to flatten a small country as my Rite of passage.Oh, did I mention I was reborn as a Dragon? Collapse Character Growth, Dragons, Fantasy Creatures, Godly Powers, Gods, Gore, Monster Society, Monsters, Mystery Solving, Mythical Beasts, Non-human Protagonist, Non-humanoid Protagonist, Overpowered Protagonist, Reincarnated as a Monster, Sword And Magic It's not a story about human in dragon body at all. Just a pure dragon who (sometimes) mindlessly follow it instincts. I don't know what the advantage as a reborn person he have when his siblings have the same intelligence as he is. Great review from Theodepolis, scribblehubReborn as A dragon is a reincarnation story where a man is born into a family of dragons on another world.Plot and Theme: This is an exploration/slice of life/cultivation story based around a dragon's life. There is exploration of the internal landscape, but its minimal. The strength of the story is in its exploration of the world and the social interactions between dragons and other species.Good points: Its refreshing. The author creates an entire world around the story's protagonist. The story doesn't sugarcoat the Dragon Supremacy culture. The ultra rigid society reminds this reader of Sparta: only the strongest and most fit survive. Everyone else is a rival, a source of food, or a pest. Dragons are not human. They don't have human morals. The reader will find brutality but discovery as well. The protagonist might, eventually, have moments of insanity some will confuse with mercy.Bad Points: The prose and style. I kid you not. The prose is something written with no care to style. It is beyond amateur and more than a little lazy. As/while conjunction abuse, rigid structure, telling vs showing, gerunds, bloating (excessive wordiness for simple concepts), lack of significant description, Point of View bouncing, tense slips, passive voice vs active voice, basic orthography, punctuation, etc. In fact, this work doesn't miss a single bump. It holds on to literary problems like an alcoholic to Jack Daniels.1. As/While abuse. As/while subordinate conjunctions are abused in order to speed the narrative along without care for how many times they are repeated. There are other words out there.2. Rigid structure. The style has a general repetitive sentence structure. 'Subordinate conjunction, Independent clause.'Example: "As I thought about what to do, I started yawning." as opposed to "I yawned and considered my options."Feel the weight of the sentence in your head. It isn't pleasant. This particular style controls most of the narrative. It repetition becomes a problem and might put-off many a reader. If something is important enough to be included in a story (subordinate conjunction), it could be separated into its own independent clause (independent clause).3. Gerunds. I won't teach basic creative writing here. Do a search in Google for "Gerunds in prose." Let's just say that the general rule (and all rules are meant to be broken when one knows what they are doing) is to NOT use them. Gerunds, combined with as/while repetition AND subordinate conjunctions are a pain to read.4. PoV problems. Point of Views are tricky. Most fiction is written in 3rd Person Limited PoV or 1st Person PoV. I've seen, rarely, a well conducted 3rd Person Omniscient PoV that slips through with almost no issues.Example: 1st person: I breathed fire. My right claw rended through eldritch flesh.Example: 3rd Person Limited: Terrac breathed fire. His right claw cleaved through eldritch flesh.Example: 3rd Person Omniscient (Multiple views) : Terrac breathed fire (1). The eldritch horror was terrified (2 and Telling). Sparky the dog wanted to pee (3), but he barked at both the dragon and the eldritch horror with brave stupidity. Unknown to all three of them (Sub conjunction), the loss of any of them would disrupt reality. (Ind. Clause). (God/Author PoV)An author must try to limit 3rd Person Omniscient to subtle shifts, otherwise it feels clumsy and harms a story's pacing.5. Telling vs showing. Yes the story has this problem in spades. Telling is direct and (if not given enough thought) lazy. Showing is INDIRECT. It is also, in most cases, wordier but builds better, flows better.Example Telling: Adeline was cold.Example showing: Adeline shivered.Example showing with details: Adeline shivered despite the heavy winter coat.6. Began to. Started to. Seems to. Appears to. I might despise As/while subordinate conjunction abuse but "began/started to/seems to" bloating and ambiguity is up there. These phrases are used by authors to organize their thoughts. They are unnecessary preambles to other clauses in a sentence. Remove them from the prose except in specific contexts.Example: Terrac began to consider the possibilities of murder as Arnold rambled on, convinced of his own importance.Example WITHOUT the bullcrap: Arnold rambled on, convinced of his own importance. Terrac pondered abject murder.Notice that I used 3rd Person omniscient, but it feels like 3rd Person limited. Terrac observing Arnold. That's subtle manipulation of prose and style. Notice that I removed the as/while conjunction. Notice that the "Began to" preamble is gone. Notice that I am TELLING instead of Showing, but the prose isn't harmed by the choice because one sentence has long phonetic prosody and the other is short and to the point. More importantly, the details provide an understanding of the characters and aren't boring. One is a snotty jackarse. The other might be a snarky SoB or, in truth, a cold blooded murderer. I don't have the patience to detail examples of all the other problems in this work. This isn't a creative writing class. Let's leave this at the point that I am EXTREMELY displeased with the rough prose because the story has great potential. This work can be much, much better.2.5 / 5 stars. Fifty percent. Not high enough to be average, not low enough for complete anonimity. Amazing review are u a writer or something? If you are I'm interested in reading you work 😄. Not mine my intellect is too low for that xD, I've written whose it is on top of the comment It is identical to Dragon Who Controls Time I like mc who are in control of their own action, here mc seems to be heavily influnenced by his instinct so much so that his past life as human have little to no effect. It could just be a stroy of normal dragon and say they gain sentient at birth which would've been more interesting. I've been seeing many new novels becoming a dragon idk why? Is it a trend now? It’s always been a trend True that Chinese obsession with dragon is as old as japanese obsession with tantacles, american obsession with guns, indian obsession with cow, korean obsession with little sisters. ☠️☠️ the korean one is more sus than japanese 🤨 Very sus. Oh shit the last one caught me off guard lmao Are you the embodiment of knowledge and wisdom? Quote: DeathseekerNot to worry I found itImmortal_Simo27 days agoNope, as mentioned there, that story is just a draft I already written before Dragon. I’m not working on it now, but merely posting old chapters. Everything is on pause since I’m in the process of moving to another country.Author will posting soon as per above message as someone asked about the new chapter in offical site#argus234# 6/10 above avgAverage score in writing in every front across the board except one. Pacing is done relatively well. However the consistent avg writing has its own charm as this put more enphasis on the story contents instead of tasteless gripes. Don't know why. But the author flipped the MCs character 180, seeing humans as cancer to be terminated to saying the humans were salvageable race and they have great potential. Like motherf#cker what kind of drugs are on to say that. We're literally killing our own planet, who the humans stays at the top of the food chain. Although can't blame the author for change the way he did a lot of cunts were bitching and moaning about how's the MCs a ungrateful bitch for not putting the humans race on a pedestal in comments. Like just why.....just why. Sigh......... mcs only a few years old and thats coming from a long lived race, thoughts turn in a dime; perpective constantly rearranging. Some may call it growth but i think its better apt to say mcs perspective has yet to settle.his previous life memory only serves to confuse him, as its made clear he rather abandones them naturally and fully embrace exploration of his current life and priveleges.eg. near the beginning he was taught through circumstance, body language, and attitude that dragons are the best and above everything else by his father and grandfatgers influence. When he meets his grandmother he realize this thought isnt the same for all dragons so his limiter was released and ask himself what he truely thinks. He proceeded in exploring and dropped the heavy emphasis perspective on any particular race and begins to evaluate them himself in a clean slate. Hello, dragons have bloodline inheritance age is just a number for them yes but here we talk about the practical execution of both inheritance and maturity for a dragon~Or do we all assume a pop and all young dragons knows the secret of the world immediately and start acting like adult Yodas?Everything has a process, even magic in books. only thing that doesnt have processes is descriptions and anything that happens in cn cultivation novels The MC is just a human in a Dragon form. At first he was like 'dragons are supreme and above all', but suddenly, after just a few line of dialogue with his grandma, he does a complete 180. He showed no signs of regret or guilt (after wiping out a whole kingdom), or at least not enough to justify the sudden flip in opinion. I guess this is as generic as it gets. 7.5/10 Finally a good/great dragon novel where mc isnt instantly turned into human form power but has a permament dragon from ch 1 to ch 187 with a decent level storyline but it doesnt update Do you know what happened to updates Not a clue Not to worry I found itImmortal_Simo27 days agoNope, as mentioned there, that story is just a draft I already written before Dragon. I’m not working on it now, but merely posting old chapters. Everything is on pause since I’m in the process of moving to another country.Author will posting soon as per above message as someone asked about the new chapter in offical site